Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Married and Single

Those are titles used to describe girls, and it represents nothing more or less than their marriageble status. Lately, starting with SD's post on why she loves being single, and culminating with Chanie's post on stereotypes, there has been comments on the differences between the singles and their counterparts. AK hit it on the head: there are even differences in the way the two talk.

I talk to my single friends about everything and anything. How college/grad school is going, how's their work doing, how's the state of the universe, the president, the world, what Obama and Netanyahu are talking about lately, the newest ideas, styles, and fashions.

And, truthfully, I can talk to my married friends about the same things. I even talk to the single ones about dating, marriage, and all that sort of stuff as well. It's hasn't been so long since I left that parsha, so therefore, I still feel like I have some clue of what's going on.

However, there are some things my single friends just can't understand. Like breastfeeding. I mean, come on- how many of my single friends have done that one! Or labor and childbirth. Or the reason I'm up at 4 am. Or vaccinations, child care, dealing with weight loss, working from home, and so on. So Aidel is right. We do talk about different things with different people.

Those singles who say, "Those married people. All they do is talk about their home and their kids. Why can't they be more interesting and talk about other things?"

Marrieds don't only talk about those interesting things- we do. We just have other things on our minds, stuff that the singles just can't relate to. (And frankly, that stuff is interesting too. Anyone who's single know how to cure a clogged milk duct, or what's its scientific cause? Didn't think so.)We've been in the single life, so that means we can talk about that. But singles haven't been in the married life (unless they are divorced)- so they can't talk about those other topics.

Rather than focusing on how married people only talk about being married, why can't the singles realize that they only talk about (or deal with) issues relating to singlehood?

24 comments:

Scraps said...

I was going to leave a long comment, but I thought better of it.

Btw, I didn't know how to cure a clogged milk duct, but it only took me about 15 seconds to google it.

nmf #7 said...

Scraps- Good to see ya- haven't seen your comments for a while.
Would have loved to see your long comment though.
Although you could google it- have you ever experienced it? Nothing like firsthand.

Anonymous said...

This post has a little too much info for the single guys who read your blog...

Ezzie said...

Heh.

Without getting into the details, the overall point is on the money (and for guys as well, though less so).

Talking is often about relating to the person's experience, and sometimes, some people won't qualify: Whether they're single, or female, or not yeshivish, or whatever.

Interesting about divorced; they are often the most interesting to have conversations about marriage with, at least in our experience.

nmf #7 said...

Anon- Sorry for the TMI- although, I'm a science geek, so this type of stuff is interesting to me in a purely academic/biological standpoint. Try thinking of it that way.

Ezzie- So true about those who are divorced- actually, some of them have the best advice about marriage I've ever heard, simply because they've been through it all, and they saw their own/spouse's mistakes.

Scraps said...

Trust me, you don't really want to hear my long comment. Really.

Something Different said...

I don't have a hard time talking to my married friends. I ask them for all the details of their pregnancy, then tell them to stop because they are scaring me and I am never going to have kids if it means living with nausea for 4 months straight.

I think the issue is more the timing. My schedule is so non-compatible with the married friend's schedules, its hard to find time to talk.
I think the other issue is with girls who are bitter and down about being single, so the married friends have to walk on eggshells, afraid to mention a word about their husband or their kids or whatever. My friends know that I am thrilled to hear what they are making for supper and that I also think their kid is the cutest little thing ever...so our conversations flow.

harry-er than them all said...

i think the complaint is that sometimes married (or engaged) people forget what it was like to be single.

true some are better than others but its the 99% that forgot, that give the rest a bad name

nmf #7 said...

Scraps- alright, if you're sure. I'm not afraid of criticism though.

SD- True, timing is really hard. Although, if my single friends are willing to put up with me saying- gotta run, NBD is crying- then it'll work out. And agreed with your other points as well.

Harry-er- really? Maybe that's true for guys, but as far as I know, those girls who are married definitely didn't forget the dating parsha. It's hard to forget.

Lvnsm27 said...
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Lvnsm27 said...

very true, both of them talk about their own situation

Lvnsm27 said...
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chanie said...

True, I never thought of it from that perspective. Then again, I don't feel insulted that my married friends leave me out of the picture- I more blame myself for not keeping in touch.

nmf #7 said...

Lvsnm27- Agree.

Chanie- Yeah- hard to KIT sometimes. Although, I've realized that my close friends are the ones who continually make the effort.

chanie said...

NMF- Tis true. That's why after a certain amount of time, I don't beat myself up.

Something Different said...

Nmf- that comment you wrote in response to HTTA made me LOL. Is dating the only part of single life you remember? What if I have never been on a date yet? Does that mean I am not living life? ;-)

nmf #7 said...

SD- Reread HTTA's comment, and cracked myself up. I can't believe I even wrote that.

I liked being single when I was single- it was great!
I had time for myself, for projects, for college, for studying, for jobs, for basically everything. The only thing I didn't like was the dating parsha.

So I guess that when HTTA said that married people forget- I thought he meant that married people forget the bad stuff, which for me- was dating. Hence my comment.

nmf #7 said...

And SD- what do you want me to say...no, you're not living life while single?! :D

Cool word verification: revized (I revised my comment).

Something Different said...

NMF- naturally I am not living now. How could you even accuse me of such a thing?? I'm missing mynother half! It's totally like I'm dead.
Oh, wait, that can't be true. I just felt a pulse.

harry-er than them all said...

That was actually what i meant. being single isn't only about not being married. dating is part but not central to my life. i'm doing other things that they could speak to me about. its funny though, my close married friends who i speak to, we end up talking about everything but dating. what my comment was about how once from my experience, guys, get married they forget what single life was like. for instance a guy who would only go out with pretty girls, after he got married to a pretty girl, lectured me how its not important. while what he is saying is true, he forgot what he was like. so my summary stands- its the 99% that give the others a bad name.

elp said...

To add to all of the other comments, I think singles could feel left out of their married friends lives. Yes, you're right - both groups talk about their own situation but one's close single friends would still want to hear and sympathize (as much as they can) about married friends'4 am feedings, working from home, etc.

By a married friend not speaking about those things (because they don't want to make the single feel bad or because they feel she can't relate) actually causes the single friend to feel closed/pushed out.

AidelKnaidel said...

I thought your post was very interesting. As you saw from my post, I have been having a harder time keeping in touch with friends, and filling awkward silences on long distance phone calls. Life just changed. It used to be that school was all I did.. and thats what our conversations were about. Now school is the last thing on my mind, and while I can still talk about dating and whatnot, its different.

I think its hard for both sides...

nmf #7 said...

Harryer- Glad to hear I wasn't so off after all.

Elp- But don't the single ones get bored with that type of thing? I hear my friends zoning out after I've waxed about the pacifier NBD uses (Just an example- I don't think I've ever talked about that specifically.). So, I just stopped doing it.

AK- Agreement. It is hard, for both sides. But it's worth it to keep up with everyone. After all, hopefully, the single ones won't remain single forever.

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

Too many comments here to read. But it's very interesting you mention this, cause it's very strange, but I like reading parenting blogs, mommy blogs, and anything about kids and married life, and yet I'm single. Since I was 11 years old and went to the doctor and was in the waiting room and saw a parenting magazine there and started reading it, I fell in love with parenting. I actually find all the posts about children, babies and marriage stuff so interesting.