Tznius and Perception

Whether it's due to reading 6 Diaries recently, or just having too many conversations with friends on the same topic, I've come to the conclusion that certain areas of tznius are about perception.

Sometimes, someone is on a different level of tznius than others. Sometimes the chumras or ideas that one person takes on are not necessarily fit for another one, at least at a certain time. I know this sounds rather vague, but it has large applications.

For example, when I first arrived in Israel, unmarried, I was accustomed to wearing knee-high black stockings. Then, arriving in some of the charedi and other religious sector areas, I saw the girls wearing nude tights. Not opaque, just skin color. When I saw that I stood out like a red (or in this case, black) thumb, I decided to take upon myself to wear nude tights. When I arrived back in the US, I continued to wear them, and I haven't worn my black stocking since.
Now. Would I say that wearing nude tights is the best thing to do halachically, and everyone should take on this idea? No. For me, was it a good idea? Yes.

This has nothing to do with the Israel versus America debate on whether black or nude should be the appropriate color for women's stockings. (For an in depth analysis on that, see R' Falk's book, Oz V'Hadar Levusha.)

It's all a matter of a person's perception. A matter of what they want out of the mitzva of tznius, and what they are willing to do for themselves, on their level.

Here's another example. When I moved to Israel as a married lady, I was accustomed to wearing my shaitel, as that is what most people do in America. However, when I moved here, I switched to wearing mostly bandannas, tichels, and scarves, because I saw my compatriots do the same. But as I wrote in the comments on that post, there are tznius issues, like covering the hair right around one's temples, that I wasn't sure about. So, I called my rebbitzen, and she basically told me to do what the community does (and to consult R' Falk, who says that hair on the temples doesn't have to be covered).

So, when people look and see one wearing shoes that have closed toe- don't look at the girl as a frummy, and for the girl who covers those toes, don't look at those around you and say they are kofrim (rejectors of the mitzvos). It's all a matter of perspective, and a private perspective at that. That's the meaning of tznius.

Erev Shabbos #21- Guest Shabbos

As you can probably see from the title, I'm having guests for Shabbos. Now, I'm not a newlywed, persay, in the manner that I've never had guests before. I'm used to having guests, no matter the week, and I usually cook for about 5-6, even if it is just me, Mr. NMF and NBD. (We eat the leftovers throughout the week if no one shows up unexpectedly.)

But, when I first got married, I heard about the interesting idea that a young couple should not have another young couple as guests. This was rather intriguing, so I probed more.

It seems that if a young couple hosts, they may end up comparing their spouses to the others at the table, which may be a lack of tznius. It also is slightly uncomfortable- if you are a newlywed, possibly your husband/wife has not had too many conversations with one of the other gender, and may feel slightly uncomfortable chatting freely.

I didn't feel it was such a big deal at first, but there are those who have this sensitivity. So, I didn't end up inviting couples so much in the beginning of my marriage.

Now, since I've been married for a while, and I have a little one, slowly but surely, those couples are coming for meals, including this Shabbos.

It's rather nice, actually- since you usually have a lot in common with people of your own age group and life stage. And, it makes for a very welcome and interesting Shabbos meal.

So, welcome, guests, and I'm so very glad you could make it for Shabbos.
Gut Shabbos everyone!