Reevaluating My Own Viewpoint

A couple days ago, I headed to a mothers' meeting in another neighborhood. It was wonderful, very nice to meet new people and have NBD play with new kids, but it also caused me to think quite a bit.

After all, as the authors of 'How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk' state, they read all the parenting books out there and were the best advice givers to those who didn't have children, until they had them. Then things change- your parenting 'style' evolves with time, with your children's ages, with basically just about everything.

Choices that you thought were set in stone, no longer are even carved into soap. Never say never, they say- and they don't know how right they are. Mr. NMF remarked that a family he knew were dead set on never giving their children candy. They tried fruit as the 'candy' instead. Result? Not surprisingly, it didn't work. They knew what a cookie was nonetheless.

I thought one thing before I had my daughter, now I think another. And it gets better and better with time. Books like 'Chinuch in Turbulent Times' or 'With Hearts full of Love' are my standbys, along with other Jewish parenting books like 'A Delicate Balance'. And of course I read so many other books as well. But books can only do so much, and then your parenting is tested by the children who you love so much.

But back to the original idea of my post. I met mothers who had the same viewpoints I did before I had children, but amazingly, they still stick with them. Things I thought would have been impossible, are right there in broad daylight for me to reach out and touch to see if they really are real. Like the woman who feeds her children only organic food, no sweets ever, and their favorite snack is chestnuts and whole wheat pretzels. Me? NBD can say bamba. (Really, I try to be good. Bamba is usually as bad as it gets around here.) After that, I took NBD to the park with only avocados and crackers with chummus, to assuage my guilty feelings.

So, should I have stuck with what I believed earlier? Should I ignore the fact that my perception of these things have changed?

Now, I don't know what to believe anymore.

Bird Sighting

It was a magical moment.

We had just finished Shabbos lunch, and contrary to my usual plan of heading straight into my bed and not coming out till it was time to make Shalosh Seudah, I decided that the whole family could do for a walk.

So we headed out, and walked down our block, Mr. NMF pushing the stroller with NBD inside. Our block is covered with olive and pomegranate trees, and we amused ourselves by pointing out the various new and old foliage all around us.

We walked into a pretty block, with shade and gorgeous flowers, when I stopped short.

"Is that a hummingbird?" I said. "I've never seen a real hummingbird outside of the zoo before."

There in front of us, flitting around, was a gorgeous iridescent hummingbird, with blue and green plumage, trying to suck out nectar from some pink flowers.

A compatriot, in dark colors of brown and black, joined him, and we just stood there mesmerized, watching the two of them flit back and forth. It was a sight to see.

What a perfect Shabbos afternoon.

Skipping Stones

This Thursday night, I was getting supper on the table, when my husband called me over. "NBD is crawling," he said with a smile. I ignored him, as she couldn't possibly be crawling. She's been getting all over the house lately in many other ways, but according to her doctor, since she's been standing for a while already, it was more probable that she would walk before she crawled.

But Friday, NBD proved me wrong, as she crawled towards the garbage can as I was making Shabbos, pulled herself up, and started to pick out yummy things to eat from it.

I didn't know whether to just stand there laughing, or get her out of the dustbin before she ate something nasty.

I called my grandmother, hoping to share the news. She was happy for us- but spent her conversation reminiscing.

"They grow up so fast, " she said. "This is the best time of your life- enjoying the babyhood and toddlerhood of your kids. Take advantage, don't miss a minute. Every milestone, every step, it's something that kids do, and just as they don't miss it, you shouldn't either. Rejoice with every stone met, and cherish every second. Because all too quickly they're all grown up."

It's true, you know. The time flies so fast- she was a newborn so recently. Looking at her, makes me feel old, because she's achieved so much in such a short period of time.

It's like that with all of our lives. When we are little, we can't wait to be big. When we're big, we can't wait to be grown up. When we're grown up, we can't wait to get married. When we get married, we want to start a family.

All these milestones, they pass us by so quickly. I guess like all of us, I have to learn to step back, and really watch for them, and enjoy them. Because like my grandmother said, all too quickly, she'll be grown up, and those stones will have flown by, as quick as skipping rocks on a pond.

Manners versus Convenience

I'm a usually very well mannered person, at least I think so. The times that I've been caught drinking straight out of a bottle (a 2 liter one) seem to make that fact obsolete, and I did send out my thank you notes for things rather late, but on the whole, I try to be respectful of others.

Yet, here is where I hit a bump, or snag, if you will.

You see, I'm a mommy, and I love being one. But I also have a brain, and I'd like to use it. So when I see all these shiurim advertised around my community, for convenient times and close location, I'd love to attend one, and get my gray cells working.

But, NBD is a baby, and does have that wonderful tendency of babies to be extremely self absorbed, causing her to interrupt what ever I may be doing at the moment to ask me to be involved in her life. And I'm happy to do so.

Yet, that means I can't attend shiurim. Most speakers and listeners HATE to be interrupted, especially by a complaining baby. In fact, some shiurim request that you not bring children at all, simply for that reason.

There is one phenomenal shiur in the neighborhood, given by the local Rebbitzen that requests that children attend- and no one minds if my kid starts complaining, or wants to nurse right in the middle of the shiur. Which is great for me, since I love being able to hear some words of Torah.

But, why can't I violate the mannerly thing to do and head to other shiurim, and just leave if NBD makes a peep? Is it wrong and uncouth to bring her to a shiur if I assume that in the middle she probably will disrupt? For, the second she disrupts, I will take her out. But at least I'll get to hear something!

Are words of Torah worth being unmannerly?

Rebbee Hill and Bedtime

NBD is 7 months old, and she falls nicely asleep at around 9 pm, making me a very happy mother. But, for older children, bedtime becomes an issue, mostly with the bedraggled and unhappy parent wishing for their child to fall asleep, and the child insisting that he/she will do no such thing.

One family that I know has 13 children, bli ayin hara. The lady of the house, besides for being a superb baalabusta, has also perfected a wonderful way to get her children to bed. She can't read a story to each child's taste, and frankly, she doesn't have the time to. So, she came up with a brilliant idea.

She purchases story tapes- you know, the good old Marvelous Middos Machine, Loshon Hara 911, Rebbe Alter, Rebbee Hill, all the Suki and Ding tapes, the Talking Coins, and so on. Then, she puts on the tape in each individual room, and the kids fall asleep listening to these master storytellers. She updates the tapes constantly, making sure that the kids are never bored. Oftentimes, they listen to it in installments, making it even more productive.

My family listened to tapes while in the car (I know, some people out there are saying- what's a tape?), but never before bed. Yet, these good old story tapes and CD's continue to be favorites of mine, even now.

Rebbee Hill is one of my personal favorites. He's dynamic, interesting, and delivers little bits of mussar throughout his tapes that are apropos for all ages. So, when I heard about this I was very excited. You should all check it out this Chol HaMoed- it sounds like it'll be awesome!

OII #11- A Day of Fun

I haven't posted another OII for a while, but my recent activities lead to a burst of posts on this phenomenal country and the people in it.

*I went to pick out flowers with my neighbor for her apartment. When I went there- there were hardly any flowers outside, leading me to believe, in typical Israeli fashion, that this job was not one that would get done today, but rather, the ubiquitous 'tomorrow/Machar'. And, I was proven right, as since the flowers come from all over Israel, including the Golan, Tzfas, and Netanya, they didn't have them ready so close after Shavuos.

But, the flower owner apologized, and made a wonderful remark. He said that since they come from all over Israel, we should be proud and grateful we can get flowers from the Golan! And, so we agreed, that it is wonderful to be able to enjoy the fruits from all over Israel! What a great perspective!

*As we were heading out of the flower market, I heard another lady remark on the fact that the owner had pushed us all off till the morrow. I repeated his comment, on how we get flowers from the whole of Israel, and how lucky we are. She smiled and agreed. Then she introduced herself. Lo and behold- her name was Tzivia Ehrlich-Klein! Author of the Only in Israel book series!! What a wonderful event!

When I remarked on how much I love her books- she blushed and said- I'm glad that there are those out there who recognize the beauty of Israel. So, in the street lurks authors as well....hiding behind every possible face.

*I went to Har Nof recently, and I ended up in JII Pizza. I asked the owners of the store if they had a bathroom in which I could feed NBD. They said no...but they would give me another place. And before I could say boo, they cleared themselves out of their entire kitchen, handed me a chair, and offered me the key to lock the door so I could have some privacy.

How many restaurants in the US would give over their entire kitchen to help out one person?

What a wonderful people in what a wonderful land!

Belated Mother's Day Post

"Do they have Mother's Day in Israel, " my grandmother inquired. I answered, "I'm not sure, seeing as it is a holiday promoted by the greeting card industry, but I'll celebrate it anyway if you'd like."

This was my first Mom's Day, and I did the dutiful daughter thing and called all the moms to wish them a happy day.

And then I watched my daughter play on the floor of the kitchen while I washed dishes- and I remarked to myself, "Life can't get better than this."

Happy Mom's Day to moms everywhere!

Freezers Revisited

I recently wrote a post about freezers. Well, now I'd like to touch on a different aspect of freezers- what's inside mine at the moment.
Besides for the assorted meats, vegetables, cakes, and soups, my freezer right now is holding someone's order of meat from America. And do you know what?
That meat has been in my freezer since NBD was born.
People- let's talk. I wrote a post on this, and I'd like to announce it loud and clear.
If people have the courtesy to ship stuff for you over 6,000 miles (6,195 to be exact)- please, please pick it up.
For further reference- read this post on what is proper courtesy on taking items to and from countries.

OII #10- Yet Another Driver

Somehow, Israeli taxi drivers are the best of the bunch. Seriously, I have more special stories involving taxi drivers than I think any other 'group' in Israel- and I usually take buses!

However, this week, although I took a bus to the Geulah neighborhood of Yerushalayim, I felt it practically impossible for me to take a bus home, as I was laden with packages, food, and NBD.
So, I started to snag a cab.

Now for those of you who know Geulah, and who know how to catch a Monit (taxi) there, you know it's a busy and dangerous business.
I usually head down Malchei Yisroel, until I reach a corner- because that way the taxi can pull over without blocking traffic, and without having everyone and his neighbor beep their horns insistently.

So, I did so, and a nice taxi pulled over. Now, again, usually, the driver doesn't have a chance to get out of the car, as the cars behind him would threaten to murder him if he blocked their right of way, so I prepared to fold up the stroller, put NBD in the back seat, and place the stroller in the trunk by myself.

Yet, the driver got out of the car and helped me do all of that, all with a smile on his face. When I told him I was ok- he said, "But I want to help!"

We got in the car, and were on our way. About 10 minutes into the drive, he started to munch on a bag of roasted peanuts. He turned to me and said, "Would you like some? They're so tasty!"
When I refused at first, he kept pressing them on me, so I took a few and made a bracha to please him. Yes, they were delicious, and I told him so. When he heard that, he offered me the whole rest of the bag! Now, I had just taken them to be polite, not to take his snack- so I refused. But he insisted on giving me the address of the store, so I could get some of these "Tayim"- tasty peanuts.

Last but not least, on the way back, he closed his window, remarking that he wanted to close it for the baby's sake. When I said that NBD had a hat on, and it was okay if he'd like to open it, he turned to me and said, "But you have to be extra careful for the baby's sake, even if she has a hat!"

Truly a wonderful experience. I love meeting people with such Simchas HaChayim- joie de vivre.
EDIT: A new poll is up to the right, feel free to vote!

A Drop of Milk

So, today I visited one of the most famous (or infamous, depending on which mom you ask) institutions in Israel: Tipat Chalav.

Tipat Chalav literally means, a drop of milk, and it is the 'well-baby' clinics all over Israel. They are the ones who give your child their vaccinations, checkups, weight-gain, examinations, and so on. Each child has a folder at a Tipat Chalav from when they are born, until they enter into the school system, when the folder is transferred, and the school along with Tipat Chalav work together for the well-being of your child. I think it's a brilliant idea- saving physician labor for when the baby is actually sick, and providing a child with a solid health care plan so the schools and doctors can work together till age 18.

It's done by neighborhood, with a certain nurse working each street in the neighborhood (at least that's how it's done where I live). So, when I finally woke up to the fact that NBD is past a month old- yikes, time flies- I made an appointment nearby.

And then proceeded to ask everyone I know what their experiences were. Most were scary. As Super Raizy describes in her old post, the Tipat Chalav nurses have a reputation of being slightly, well, curmudgeonly. Most who I asked said that the nurses harassed them about their baby's weight incessantly, especially if they were nursing. Some said they expected them to know everything, even if they were a new mother. So, it was no surprise that when I went in, I was slightly nervous.

But, here comes the truth. Honestly- my visit was great! The nurse was a sweet and kind person, who treated me like I had a brain, even though my hebrew wasn't the best. She didn't harass me about anything, asked personal questions in a polite manner, and best of all- interacted with NBD very gently and warmly.
So, here comes one vote pro Tipat Chalav.

And, it got me thinking. Rumors can spread very quickly. One person says they had a bad experience there, then the next will be looking for the bad in her experience, to vilify the first person's statement. And, the vicious cycle continues.

Now, I'm not saying that all nurses might be like mine- and there are definitely obnoxious ones out there, from what I've heard.

But, instead of looking for the bad because the last person told you that there is bad- maybe try objectively? If so, maybe more unbiased opinons, and more honest opinons might result.

So honestly? It went great. And, I will be happy to go back.

OII #7- Brothers and Babies

I'm always amazed here in Israel by how phenomenal the soldiers in the army are. They go through three years there, starting when they are still in their teenage years, and even after that, they still participate in the reserves until they no longer can by law.

They are tough individuals, strong, brave- people you would want to have defending you and your country and people. Walking around all day with a gun on your shoulder might scare the passerby, or make them realize how special you are- to give up some of the time in your life to do something so constructive and valuable.

They put on this gruff exterior when they are on duty- no nonsense, no funny business or even cracking a smile to those watching. But peer out of the corner of your eye, and you see them laughing with their comrades in arms, playing jokes on the men they are supposed to command, and generally acting like normal people. Each one of these soldiers is a brother to some, a son to some, and they act it, despite the fact that they have learnt Krav Maga- a deadly form of martial arts.

I was in a mall with a friend and her baby daughter. As we passed through security, she needed to remove her daughter from the stroller, because the little one was scared by the metal detector. All of a sudden, the stern-faced security guard and his soldier friend turned into different people. "Aize Metuka!" (such a cutie!) they cried, and started to make funny faces to cheer up the slightly shocked baby. "Chamuda," they said, as they grilled my friend as to how old the baby was. The little one made their day by giving a grin, and these soldiers thoroughly enjoyed themselves. I would have thought they would have grabbed the little one and bounced her on their laps soundly, if they hadn't been on duty. That's Israeli security. Give them a little one- and they turn into the brothers of the sisters they left at home.

Recently, I was in the Old City with NBD, and I wanted to get from the Kotel to the Rova. Being as I had a stroller, I had to take the long way around. When I got half way up, I saw a security guard standing by an entrance- and I asked him if that way led up, and were there stairs. He looked at me, and at NBD- and said, "What's the problem?! I'll carry her up." And so he proceeded to do, chattering all the while about how cute she was, and how he has a 1 1/2 year old at home waiting for him.

So, beneath that exterior lies something waiting. No Israeli can resist a baby.

Erev Shabbos #10- A Matter of Luck

Well, in the 20 or so minutes I have until NBD wakes up, I thought that now would be a good time to post.
This Erev Shabbos is more hectic than most, with guests from Chutz L'aaretz arriving every 3 hours, and a Kiddush to prepare.

But, taking a few minutes to step back and realize- I'm so lucky to be here in E"Y.

I'm lucky enough to be able to set up a kiddush for NBD, not on the same scale as a Kiddush in the US, but something beautiful, for the men and women to come to and enjoy.

I'm lucky enough to have neighbors that continuously drop platters of food at my door, hoping that they were the first, and the last 4 people's food had been eaten already.

I'm lucky to be here, staring out at my window, at the gorgeous view of the hills surrounding Yerushalayim.

And, I'm lucky enough to have given birth to my first 'Sabra'- someone who's first breath of air was the air of Yerushalayim. It's a phenomenal concept to me- how much I'm in love with this city.

I love the dirt and dust that washes off every stone in this glowingly white city. I love the trees, the sky, and the air.

And, I'm lucky enough to spend Shabbos here, a time of total Menucha (rest), and a time to reflect on how lucky we are.

Mazel- luck. So when we wish someone Mazel Tov, we wish them good luck, in essence. We wish them that the luck they have had from Hashem until now should continue.

And that's what I wish you all. A Gut Shabbos, and Mazel Tov.
That you should realize just how lucky you are, no matter where you are in the world.

Chesed and Neighbors

I know I've posted before on the phenomenal amount of Chesed that goes on here in Israel- but being the recipient of some recently, I just had to say it again.

My family has been blessed. When my family moved to a frum community in America, (they were living a bit further out before), they looked for a house in the neighborhood. They didn't even check the neighbors out, just the general area.
They moved in, and were blessed by Hashem with phenomenal neighbors. Neighbors that care, that ask, that give without thought of repayment.

Neighbors that do chesed on a daily basis- from walking the elderly man on our block to shul every day, to babysitting in a pinch, or a friendly visit from the doctor who lives down the block. When a child got sick, or a person got married- the whole block was there, helping and giving. Thank you all.

Then, I moved to Israel. And again- we didn't check out the 'courtyard', but rather, the neighborhood in general. And again, Hashem gave us a tremendous bracha by giving us devoted, caring neighbors.

Recently, when I was in the hospital with NBD (Newly Born Daughter. Thanks, Anonymous 613), my neighbors sent so much food- an army could have been happily satiated. I got visitors, people who took off from their schedules to give me a hello, and I received advice, as being here without family makes it hard to adjust to motherhood. I came home- and people brought supper, brought advice, made phone calls, and helped me so much that I wouldn't know what to do without them. And all of this- why? They're my neighbors.
I feel so blessed.

Although- this brings up an interesting point, that I've mentioned before. Do you choose a neighborhood for the neighbors? Or do you choose it for other factors- school, community, lifestyle, religiosity, and hope that it all falls into place?
What's the most important thing to look for?

Mazel Tov!

Sorry I've been a bit out of touch- looking at my backload of comments, and the fact that my last post was Tuesday of last week...
But, Mr. NMF and I get a Mazel Tov- we had a delicious baby girl this past Thursday night!
Hopefully, I'll be posting again quite soon, but if I don't- I have a wonderful excuse why!
May we all share in continual simchos!