Meeting your Match

"Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match...find me a find, catch me a catch."

Is that what singles are looking for? A catch? A find?

A woman once came to Rebbitzen Esther Jungreis, looking to meet 'the one'. When asked what she was looking for, she answered, "Well, you know Rebbitzen, I'm looking for the big 7. Money, brains, beauty, athletic, a sense of humor, talented, and adventurous." (Or something like that.)

The Rebbitzen responded that her big 7 all equaled 0 if not paired with a good heart. Because that should be number one. Without a good heart, one can't possibly be a good husband or wife, or even a good friend- which is what marriage should start off on.

So, meeting the right one can't be just a matter of finding the best find- like bragging about securing a place in an Ivy League college, a top yeshiva, or a top seminary. It has to be deeper than that- no matter whether or not a mother wants her child to marry a doctor. That doctor may have a prestigious job, but does that guarantee happiness?

When I met Mr. NMF, I was convinced he had a good heart. I had dated people before him, and none responded as kindly or as sensitively towards issues as he did. I saw in him a truly good person, which is something I desperately wanted in a marriage partner.

So search out that good heart- that Lev Tov- and I can almost guarentee you that you'll be happy with your true 'find'.

Speaking of Shidduchim- B4S, Shades of Grey, and FnF have gotten together to create a 'best of the shidduch blogosphere' offline. Feel free to browse through your favorite blogs and pick your favorites! Submit it here!

Shidduchim: A Kapara For Klal

At a recent simcha, I came across a lovely woman, with several children, who is moving back to America after her recent sojourn in Israel since she got married. We schmoozed, and eventually played Jewish geography. People from my hometown came up, including a certain woman who is still looking for her shidduch. She is a wonderful person, sweet, smart, charming, kind; in short, all the good qualities one would look for in a shidduch. Yet she hasn't met her match yet. The woman across from me remarked, "Maybe it’s a Kapara (atonement) for Klal Yisroel (the Jewish people)."

I was a bit taken aback by this statement. Then the woman next to me commented that she believes that there are two types of older singles out there. There are those who are being reasonably too picky, as they might be looking for something they can't get, or is exceedingly hard to get. The other, simply, hasn't met the right one yet. And those are, in her words, a Kapara for the entire Jewish nation.

Again, my brain started working overtime. You mean to tell me that there are women and men out there in this world who are waiting to meet their match, through no fault of their own, but as a general atonement for the world?

It came as a sort of shock to me, so I headed home to ask Mr. NMF about it. He remarked that he doesn't know too much about it- as atonement, as a general rule, is Kabbalistic in nature. But, one thing he does know, is that a person doesn't go through suffering only for the nation as a whole, but also for themselves- for some trait/action of their own. In addition, he threw in the Gemara that states that the death of the righteous (not to compare the lack of a shidduch to death of course, just for comparison's sake) does atone. Therefore, one person does have the capability to atone for the Klal.

So what do you think? Are there those out there who are waiting for their match due to a Divine decree, not specifically against them, but for the nation as a whole?

Blogged Down

Sorry for the lack of posting. I'm in the middle of dealing with some issues relating to school, and as such, I have no time.

Mazel Tov to Jewish Side on her engagement- it's like an epidemic in the Jblogosphere! First, Bas~Melech, Corner Point, Michelle....who's next?

Currently, I have no shidduchim to my track record- I've tried to set people up numerous times. As soon as I got engaged- my thoughts turned to my friends still stuck in the shidduchim rut. And, I ransacked Mr. NMF for any and all friends who might be available. After all, being a guy, he knew of more single guys than I did.

One interesting shidduch I redt was actually suggested by 2 more people, but alas, didn't work out.

I still think of shidduchim every once in a while, but the furthest I've ever gotten with a single shidduch is about five dates. But, it doesn't hurt to continue to try!

It's as hard as splitting the sea, the Gemara says. I used to believe that if a couple would just go out on a date- that deserves a kiddush or l'chaim, at the very least. People are very adverse to even go out with another- due to unusually rigorous checking, or adversity to even date at all.

But that's a topic for another post.

The Shidduch System

Here's an awesome video from my friend, Racheli Geizhals- journalist-in-training- about the shidduch system. Bad4S is also featured (anonymously)- and it's really just an excellent video about the pros and cons of the shidduch system.
You go, Racheli!

21 Reasons

B4S took me up on my challenge to create 21 real reasons why someone would want to get married. Here's the link. Enjoy!