Meeting your Match

"Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match...find me a find, catch me a catch."

Is that what singles are looking for? A catch? A find?

A woman once came to Rebbitzen Esther Jungreis, looking to meet 'the one'. When asked what she was looking for, she answered, "Well, you know Rebbitzen, I'm looking for the big 7. Money, brains, beauty, athletic, a sense of humor, talented, and adventurous." (Or something like that.)

The Rebbitzen responded that her big 7 all equaled 0 if not paired with a good heart. Because that should be number one. Without a good heart, one can't possibly be a good husband or wife, or even a good friend- which is what marriage should start off on.

So, meeting the right one can't be just a matter of finding the best find- like bragging about securing a place in an Ivy League college, a top yeshiva, or a top seminary. It has to be deeper than that- no matter whether or not a mother wants her child to marry a doctor. That doctor may have a prestigious job, but does that guarantee happiness?

When I met Mr. NMF, I was convinced he had a good heart. I had dated people before him, and none responded as kindly or as sensitively towards issues as he did. I saw in him a truly good person, which is something I desperately wanted in a marriage partner.

So search out that good heart- that Lev Tov- and I can almost guarentee you that you'll be happy with your true 'find'.

Speaking of Shidduchim- B4S, Shades of Grey, and FnF have gotten together to create a 'best of the shidduch blogosphere' offline. Feel free to browse through your favorite blogs and pick your favorites! Submit it here!

School or Work

Time truly seems to fly as stop speed many times, and yet other times crawl.
(Shavuot was nice, thanks for asking, and my pareve cheesecake was praised beyond my milchig one.)

Some people I know are content to stay in school forever. Knowledge for knowledge sakes' they cry, saying that they love the learning process, they love stretching their minds over homework and tests, and they love the research that goes along with learning new things. They like the teachers, the coffee stands, the quick meals or chocolate pick-me-ups, and the classrooms with their internet.

I actually used to be this way- I liked the atmosphere in school, the quest for mind-broadening and the teachers who opened doors to me for a new universe.

Isn't that a Talmid Chacham's love as well- constant study, growth, learning, knowledge of Torah- although they also have a motivation in that Torah study is considered like all the other mitzvos, it sustains the world, and in the fact that they are obligated to do it?

Yet lately, I have been finding myself wanting to finish school, acquire the knowledge and head into the workforce of my choice. There are those- as a blogger once told me- who hate school with a passion, and would much rather be working. They would be happy to get the knowledge they need, and go to their future job and get trained in there- rather than settle for tests, classrooms, and that water fountain that tastes metallic.

Guess it takes all people to enjoy the world. Good luck on your paths- you'll need it.

Riding the Train (or Bus)- It's all Good

Sometimes, I have a really bad day. That seems to happen once in a while, where everything that can go right goes wrong, and some other things besides.
It was on one of those days that I boarded my second bus, heading to my third, and last bus of the day, and all I wanted was to get home to my daughter. The driver pulled up to the stop I was supposed to get off on, and the third bus that I was supposed to take pulled up right behind. Great, I thought. I'll just get off, and get on. Easy.

Yet for some reason, the bus driver hesitated while opening the second door of the bus, and as I disembarked, my third bus drove away, in a trail of dust.

My first, gut reaction was, how not fair could one day be. My second reaction was, that maybe, if I had reacted sooner, I could have gotten the driver to open the door faster, and I would be on my bus, instead of at the bus stop.

But my third thought brought it into perspective. I said to myself (and I don't do these type of conversations often), who are you kidding. Hashem didn't want you on that bus, that's why you aren't on it. He's running the routes, he's guiding the trains, the buses, the planes- and if you're not on that bus, it's because you shouldn't be. If I would have gotten the driver's attention, I probably would have still missed the bus- because it wasn't in that Divine plan. So it was meant to be, and so it is.

And as my mind came to a peace of mind, knowing that G-d had wanted it this way- my eyes lifted, and I saw another, of the same number, bus pull up directly in front of me- mostly empty. And as I boarded, I realized my lesson of the day- it's G- d calling the shots, and all is Gam Zu L'Tova.

Chag Sameach all!

Lag B'Omer and Shavuot

For those of you who don't know, Lag B'Omer was my birthday, celebrated in Israel with large dangerous bonfires being set hapahazardly close to grassy areas. In my own neighborhood, a man was employed with a fire hose to extinguish those fires (read, most) that got out of hand. I myself told my own neighbor about the three little boys trying to make a bonfire directly in front of my building, next to his car. After all, they didn't know how to build it properly, and they might have needed help, no?

Anyway, my workplace celebrated my birthday as well- going to special efforts to obtain a kosher cake for me, and wished me a happy year filled with blessing. So, how's that for a birthday?

Yet, between Lag B'Omer and Shavuot, people's heads turn to thoughts of: cheesecake. Yes, there is Kabalat HaTorah, yes, the men learn all night, and my friend visiting from the US is planning to hike to the Kotel at dawn, but for me- I've got to figure out cheesecake. I've decided this year to do like last year, and make a delicious and delectable pareve cheesecake, rather than make a milchig one. That way, it can be eaten at more meals- some of which will be fleshig for those lactose intolerant people in my family and who are invited.
So does pareve cheesecake still count as cheesecake?

Any other random thoughts floating through my head?

Not really. But I have a more serious post coming up soon, so stay tuned.
Oh, and Chag Sameach!

Starbucks?

Anyone know if there is a Starbucks cafe in Israel? Or are we just Aroma/Cafe Hillel/Coffee Bean friendly?
Thanks!

Integration

No, not calculus. Integrating as a new olah into Israeli society.

That was the topic of a lecture I heard on the subject by a renowned educator, on how to help your children integrate into the Israeli school system. One of the major components that was stressed was the problems facing children who do not have the opportunity to learn Hebrew before entering the primary grades. Without a solid language base, these children have a tendency to turn off, to be misdiagnosed with attention problems, and to be correctly diagnosed with behavioral and social problems that result from the simple fact of a lack of understanding.

For American families, this provides a path that they must follow, if they want their children to swim with the rest of the fish. Consequently, chief among the worries of the parents attending this lecture was the fact that they did not wish their children to forget their English- to be able to communicate fluently with relatives, grandparents, and frankly, their own parents.

That is a major point- but as I continued to think about it, I realized the educators were right. It can only hurt a child to place them in a situation where they don't understand, or they have minimal understanding, in the language that is spoken by most of the country.

Seeing my work mates flow freely between Hebrew and English- even though they aren't American born, gives me hope that my future children will still have the English language skills needed to succeed in certain professions here in Israel, as well as just for me. So if I ask questions in English, and they answer in Hebrew- they will still be okay- with extra tutoring in reading and writing.

One family in the lecture piped up that they read two storybooks to their children every night- one in Hebrew, and one in English. That way, everyone wins.
As the educator ended off- he has never seen any child have problems going from the Israeli school system to the American one- besides for some small reading and writing issues, that are resolved rapidly.

So, integration isn't so bad after all (despite what I remember from calculus class). It may be the chance my future children need to help them succeed.

Mazel Tov!

Just wishing a quick Mazel Tov to my dear friend Chana, on her engagement!

OII #20- Buses Yet Again

Yet another OII happened to me today. I was on a busy bus, standing with my book bag on my shoulder and cellphone in other hand, while trying to cling to a bus pole so I wouldn't fall down. (That has happened to me on buses before)When I reached the busy Bar Ilan intersection, a woman with a baby in a stroller got on. Someone got up for her (which is nothing new, but still very nice), and she sat down as the bus continued on its way.

I then felt a tap on my shoulder. Someone behind me was waving a bus ticket in my face. "L'vir et zeh l'nahag. Paam Achat." I didn't understand the rapidly mumbled Hebrew, so I asked him to repeat himself. "Pass this up to the bus driver. One time (punch)." I looked in front of me- but there was no way I was getting through the mass of humanity in front of me just to get a punch for this man. I looked back, and he pointed to the woman with the baby. "Rak L'vir et zeh." "Just pass it on." And so I did.

Her nearly full bus card was passed from passenger to passenger, duly punched by the driver, and handed safely back to the mom.

I guess I can't imagine this happening anywhere else but Israel.

Yom HaShoah, Yom HaZikaron, Yom HaAtzmaut

This is my first year being in Israel as an Olah, and as such, these 'national' holidays somehow take on more significance. I had a draft on Yom HaShoah, but as it has gone by, and we are on to the next national holiday, I figured my thoughts could go all together.

Yom HaShoah per say is one of those holidays that the religious public and the secular tend to disagree on. Rabbis have ruled that mourning is not such a good thing during the time of Nissan, and as such, we should have mourning for those victims of the Holocaust during other days set aside for mourning already, like the 10th of Tevet, and Tisha B'Av. There are Kinos and other liturgies written specifically commemorating those Kedoshim to be said on those days.

None the less, I still had something very positive to say on Yom HaShoah. In my workplace, they
had a gathering for all the students and employees, and presented a presentation on the Holocaust and its victims. Now, usually, these presentations take on a very secular perspective, as that is what resonates with most- not the religious stories most who live in the charedi world grow up hearing.

But the one thing that really did resonate with me was that despite being in an entirely secular environment, the first thing they did after the siren and moments of silence, was to read a Yizkor memorial prayer, commemorating those who died Al Kiddush Hashem, and to hope that their neshamos have an aliyah.

Now, that was something special that I noticed- an entirely secular group of people, recognizing that those who died because they were Jews died Al Kiddush Hashem- they actually mentioned G-d. And G-d in the Jewish sense- unlike many American gatherings where other religions might play a role, or no religion at all. Many Holocaust gatherings in America stress the genocide aspect, the killing of many different people, such as gypsies or the handicapped. Very few secular gatherings in America take any time to mention G-d at all, or that the souls of these people have not died in vain, for we remember them, and say a prayer for their memory.

When I came home, and remarked as such to Mr. NMF- he reminded me that the Teshuva movement in Israel is always growing. He believes it is much more prevalent than it was in times gone by.

As for Yom HaZikaron, another sad day here in Israel- I actually did not have a memorial service to attend, but most of my workplace did. I looked up how Yom HaZikaron started, and I found out that originally, the politicians (typically Jewish) couldn't agree on a date, so they lumped it together with Yom HaAtzmaut- which was hard for the people actually mourning to concentrate on the happiness of Independence. So, they moved it to one day earlier, the reason being to remind us all what the cost of independence truly is. Somber thought, but something worth remembering.

And today? I'm celebrating the independence day by being off from work, and enjoying the day with my daughter. That's true independence for me.

Shidduchim: A Kapara For Klal

At a recent simcha, I came across a lovely woman, with several children, who is moving back to America after her recent sojourn in Israel since she got married. We schmoozed, and eventually played Jewish geography. People from my hometown came up, including a certain woman who is still looking for her shidduch. She is a wonderful person, sweet, smart, charming, kind; in short, all the good qualities one would look for in a shidduch. Yet she hasn't met her match yet. The woman across from me remarked, "Maybe it’s a Kapara (atonement) for Klal Yisroel (the Jewish people)."

I was a bit taken aback by this statement. Then the woman next to me commented that she believes that there are two types of older singles out there. There are those who are being reasonably too picky, as they might be looking for something they can't get, or is exceedingly hard to get. The other, simply, hasn't met the right one yet. And those are, in her words, a Kapara for the entire Jewish nation.

Again, my brain started working overtime. You mean to tell me that there are women and men out there in this world who are waiting to meet their match, through no fault of their own, but as a general atonement for the world?

It came as a sort of shock to me, so I headed home to ask Mr. NMF about it. He remarked that he doesn't know too much about it- as atonement, as a general rule, is Kabbalistic in nature. But, one thing he does know, is that a person doesn't go through suffering only for the nation as a whole, but also for themselves- for some trait/action of their own. In addition, he threw in the Gemara that states that the death of the righteous (not to compare the lack of a shidduch to death of course, just for comparison's sake) does atone. Therefore, one person does have the capability to atone for the Klal.

So what do you think? Are there those out there who are waiting for their match due to a Divine decree, not specifically against them, but for the nation as a whole?