Reevaluating My Own Viewpoint

A couple days ago, I headed to a mothers' meeting in another neighborhood. It was wonderful, very nice to meet new people and have NBD play with new kids, but it also caused me to think quite a bit.

After all, as the authors of 'How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk' state, they read all the parenting books out there and were the best advice givers to those who didn't have children, until they had them. Then things change- your parenting 'style' evolves with time, with your children's ages, with basically just about everything.

Choices that you thought were set in stone, no longer are even carved into soap. Never say never, they say- and they don't know how right they are. Mr. NMF remarked that a family he knew were dead set on never giving their children candy. They tried fruit as the 'candy' instead. Result? Not surprisingly, it didn't work. They knew what a cookie was nonetheless.

I thought one thing before I had my daughter, now I think another. And it gets better and better with time. Books like 'Chinuch in Turbulent Times' or 'With Hearts full of Love' are my standbys, along with other Jewish parenting books like 'A Delicate Balance'. And of course I read so many other books as well. But books can only do so much, and then your parenting is tested by the children who you love so much.

But back to the original idea of my post. I met mothers who had the same viewpoints I did before I had children, but amazingly, they still stick with them. Things I thought would have been impossible, are right there in broad daylight for me to reach out and touch to see if they really are real. Like the woman who feeds her children only organic food, no sweets ever, and their favorite snack is chestnuts and whole wheat pretzels. Me? NBD can say bamba. (Really, I try to be good. Bamba is usually as bad as it gets around here.) After that, I took NBD to the park with only avocados and crackers with chummus, to assuage my guilty feelings.

So, should I have stuck with what I believed earlier? Should I ignore the fact that my perception of these things have changed?

Now, I don't know what to believe anymore.

Happy Purim!

A Freilichen Purim to all! As you know, I'm in Yerushalayim, so my day of festivity and simcha is just starting. My shalach manos are laying on my dining room table, NBD is dressing up as a ladybug, and I'm looking forward to the rain, rain, and more rain, that is supposed to hit us full blast, much like it did today.

I'm linking back to my post last year about why Yerushalyaim celebrates a day later, and which other cities do the same. Enjoy!

To all those who are celebrating now, and to those who are ending soon- I hope it will be/was a day filled with much simcha and freilichen Purim spirit.

Happy Purim to ALL!!

Erev Shabbos #24- In the Middle of Purim Week

Well, so much for that theory that now that I had a steady job and a schedule of classes, I would be able to find free time to post more often. I should do like SD and get an iPod touch, because at least then, I could write posts on my agonizingly long bus rides.

Today is sort of an 'in the middle' day. You see, in Israel, Purim lasts an entire week. How you may ask? Well, it goes like this.

First there is the planning for Shalach Manos and the shopping. Whether you are doing a theme or not adds a bit to this step, but not by much. You have to calculate how many people you know, how many you don't know but want to give to, how many you have to give to, and how many your children/spouse/other miscellaneous people need. This requires you to have a math oriented brain, combined with a knowledge of what sales go on where, as well as the best places to shop before they get ransacked.

After all this, you have to actually go out and shop for it, which also includes the famous part where you get to the store and what you wanted isn't there, so you have to revise your ideas, theme, or just give it up entirely.

Then, the children have a Purim party. This never takes place on Purim, or even the day before Purim. It's always at least 4 days before. So that means costume shopping has to take place at least a week before, as well as deciding who will wear what, and what is available. Enough said- I'm sure you can hear the arguing and the indecisiveness in your sleep.

In addition, on the day of the Purim party, or possibly the last day of school before Purim, shalach manos is required to be sent to your childrens' teachers, principals, doctors, and so on. Failure in this is not an option, so you have to prepare that Shalach Manos at least 2 days before Purim.

Finally, the great day arrives, in all its glory.

What does this all have to do with today? Well, since in Yerushalayim, Purim falls out on Monday, yet no-one has school on Sunday, and the Purim parties took place on Wednesday or Thursday to avoid the rain that is assailing us today, today is more of a relaxed day, in the middle of all the hubbub.

Me? I'm going to cook for Shabbos and make hamentashen. Because what would an 'in the middle' Shabbos before Purim but after Taanis Esther be without hamentashen for dessert?

Gut Shabbos all!

Chill Out!

No, I'm not speaking about the weather. Most definitely not, as we are experiencing a mini summer here in Yerushalayim. The weather has been stunning- no coats, frolicking outside in the sun, but the downside of that is no rain during the last little bit of the rainy season. The Kinneret still has 4 meters to go! (Hopefully we will get some rain this Thursday though, at least according to predictions.)

What I'm really referring to is a habit typical of the Israeli professionals that I've met. From the army to the science labs, Israelis do not dress formally. It's like casual Fridays taken to a whole new level. High ranking doctors walk around in jeans and Crocs. Army officers request that their soldiers call them by their first name. Formality? Gone. Thrown out the window. Scraping and bowing? Gone. The top professors in a college almost expect their students to treat them in a casual manner. In any other country, it would be chutzpadik. To the Israelis, that's normal.

It's endearing in a way. After all, that provides the young ones with the chance to speak up, to let their ideas be heard, instead of always deferring to the elder in the group. That may be why Israeli teenagers are so ingenuitive, creative, and otherwise street smart. They have a chance to speak their mind, to change the system, and to make their positions and ideas known. In a way, it's a bad thing- leading to disrespect of the older generation, and a lack of regard for authority.

All I know is that my mouth dropped open, when my new director walked in and said, "Please refer to me by my first name. Thanks."

Erev Shabbos #23- Exhaustion

You know you've had a busy week when the second after you decide to light the Shabbos candles, you collapse into a blob on your couch that refuses to move, not for love, money (muktza, remember), a good book or a cookie. Your eyes start to close, and the only thing that wakes you is the sound of the father of the household inviting everyone to sing Shalom Aleichem.

Mostly this happens to me when I've had a busy work week, or a busy non-work week, or just a busy Friday. After all, I cook an entire Shabbos on Friday (I know, I should start on Thursday, but frankly, cooking it all at one time is easier than finding fridge or freezer space and storing it and then re-warming.) which means that it can get exhausting.

Somehow I find that no matter how early Shabbos is, after the soup course, all my body wants to do is curl up in a warm bed. My mother used to remark that her soup must be a cure for insomnia, since throughout my teenage years, I would ask to be excused to curl up on the couch right after the soup course. As the Ima of the house, I can't really do that in my own house, but I wish I could!

Thank G-d for Shabbos, otherwise I would be exhausted the entire week. I can only begin to imagine how I would start to feel on a Sunday if I didn't have Shabbos to relax, rejuvenate, and become ready for the week ahead.

Gut Shabbos everyone!

The Cheaper Way

Hi all! I'm back! And, I hope to blog a lot more in the future. Updates in my own life: I am starting school again, with a position in an excellent lab in my field, which is great for me. Courtesy of the Israeli government of course, which is providing me with a salary, as well as paying my tuition as a new Olah. Thank you Israel!

Since the Israeli government gives out money in so many ways, you might think that they have a money tree planted somewhere out in the Shomron. Yet, this obviously is not so. They do what all governments do: budget out their expenses, plan accordingly, and provide what they can within reason. At least, from my own experience, that is what they do.

Israeli medical care is socialized, which has good things and bad things. I have spoken about this before, but I find the standard of care here to be pretty good, all things considered. I have caring and compassionate doctors, a level of care which seems to be rather decent, and best of all, free insurance.

Free insurance? Yes, the government provides a basic level of care for all its constituents. Beyond that basic, and one needs to shell out some pocket money, but not quite as much as one might think. Medicines are cheaper, tourists can also get insurance through the government for their stay, and in general, most things do not cost an arm and a leg.

This past week, my brother-in-law caught that strain of mumps that seems to be going around. It is a new strain, so many in the Orthodox Jewish community, both here and in America, have been affected. He stayed at home at first, thinking it was just the flu. When it didn't go away, a nurse friend paid him a home visit, and told him it was the mumps. Now, my brother in law does not have insurance. He didn't have the need for it since he left college, and he never applied for it. But now he needed a doctors' care, and he had no way to pay for it except out of pocket. So he went, and got that antibiotic which he needed, and paid for it himself. Expensive, no?

Would it be better if there was a basic standard of care for all citizens, like Israel has? In this particular case, yes.

When I was pregnant with NBD, I lived in America for a few months. I had insurance, and received excellent care. However, I was charged astronomically for minor, no emergency, visits. After all, this is America, where medicine is private and expensive. In Israel, I received almost the same standard of care (by almost, I mean that I performed my own tests in the doctors office, rather than having a nurse perform the test. This is how Israel saves costs.) for free or almost nil. My doctors were just as caring, the midwives just as alert, and all for cheaper.

I know those who come to Israel just for the medical care. Cheaper? Yes. Better? Not sure. Almost? Pretty close.

Dorothy, You're Not In Kansas Anymore

Israelis have a whole new way about them that just is intimidating to a timid young American like me. I mean, they are brash, chutzpadik, pushy, deliberate, blunt, and a whole bunch more adjectives. That's what makes them so lovable, you see.

If driving demonstrates personality, then Californians are all about the bling, Midwesterners are slow and polite, and New Yorkers couldn't care less. Israelis? They'll cut you off one day, and then bake you cookies for your daughter's simcha the next. They tell you how they feel, with no compunction, but it's emes, it's truth, and you've got to admit they have a point. And, when they pepper their phrases with "Don't worry, Yihyeh B'Seder, " you know you've got the real deal right here.

I'm applying for a position right now, and well, dealing with Israelis has given me a whole new take on what it means to live here. According to the secretary, who felt it was her job to give me, the new Olah, advice. "Don't take no for an answer. Be brash. Be persistent. It's all about patience and self esteem. Bang down those doors until someone gives you an answer."

When I quietly handed someone a resume, they asked, "Do you have some money behind you that you could bring into our work? After all, it takes money to run everything."

I'm thinking I'll never really understand their approach to things. After all, I'm just a quiet American. At least the secretary reminded me of that fact. "You're in Israel, not America. This is how we do things here. Welcome."

Erev Shabbos #22- The No-Cooking Shabbos

Wow, this has been a crazy week. NBD is really sick- a cold turned into bronchitis- and so I've been in full Ima mode. So, when two of our wonderful neighbors invited us out for both meals, this made my Erev Shabbos into a non-cooking week, allowing me to catch my breath.

When my husband and I were in our first year of marriage, we managed to maintain a good balance. Sometimes going out, sometimes eating at home, sometimes traveling to another state- we were bounced around while we were living in the US.

I had already been away from home for the 3 years before that, and Mr. NMF had been away for 5, so we were kind of used to going from one place to another, packing up suitcases, and generally never knowing where to place our aching heads.

So that was what I looked forward to when I came to Israel: a home. I was so grateful to never have to go out for meals, never have to visit anyone, just relax and enjoy my own Shabbos table. I think we stayed home for weeks upon weeks, before accepting an invitation to go out for a meal, and then hurry home to our couch.

So, when I called up a friend of mine, I was shocked to learn that she, who has been married for 6 months, has never made her own Shabbos meal. Her in-laws and parents live close by, and they always expect the young couple to show up for all the meals, if not to sleep by them as well.

And, she enjoys it. Never having to cook, prepare, serve, wash, clean up- all of this was taken care of for her. As she put it to me, eventually the young couple would no longer be so young, and they iy"H would have a brood to take care of. So, until that time, the parental units were getting the pleasure of having the couple come over while they could.

That was such an interesting concept to me- to enjoy going out, rather than staying at home. I was so grateful not to have to shlep all over the universe, while she was enjoying every second of shlepping.

Each to his or her own. But this week, I'm very grateful not to have to prepare. NBD is going to want to be held once she wakes up from her nap, and that leaves me with almost no hands to do anything. So thank you kind neighbors. We look forward to seeing you.

A Gut Shabbos Everyone!

It's Raining, It's Pouring- Do Something!

Baruch Hashem for rain. At least, rain in Israel- since that's a blessing we really need in these times. After all, the Kinneret is below its appropriate level, the government is soon to level a water tax (if it hasn't already) on the public, and we generally just need rain, living in a desert and all.

Last night, at the dinner table, we engaged in a resounding chorus of Mashiv HaRuach- the prayer for rain and wind- and today, look what happens. I actually got to say the blessing on lightning and thunder last night as well.

But rain also means that both NBD and I are down with colds. We also don't really leave the house on rainy days, due to the fact that I prefer not get soaked.

When I lived in the big old city of New York, I didn't have a car. I used to walk, or take public transportation, everywhere I went. As I walked down the streets, carrying one heavy bag on my back and other one wheeling behind me- I sometimes wondered why no one even thought to stop and see if I needed help, or a ride. I assumed they had other pressing business to take care of, and I was grateful if when I got to my destination, someone offered me a ride for the way back. I can remember one time when a newlywed and her husband offered me a ride as they saw me trudging down the street- they were even going in the opposite direction! But that's about it for random rides throughout my time in NY.

JerusalemStoned- a not so well known blogger, but an excellent writer and mommy living in Yerushalayim- has an interesting take on rain and people. After all, this is the season when people can do a lot of kindness to one another. Like loaning umbrellas, hitching rides- like Mr. NMF did this morning as he waited for yet another bus to slowly make its way through the traffic, or even just watching a neighbor's child so she can go pick up the other one from Gan.

Let's make this rainy season one where we reach out our hands and use the Gishmei Bracha- rain of blessing- to actually bestow tangible blessing on our friends and neighbors.

Oh yeah, and have fun splashing in those puddles!

Bargaining, Israeli Style

I know, the whole world isn't a shuk (open air marketplace). But it sure seems like it!

Practically all Israelis bargain, and love doing it. Whether it's shopping for basic food items at an actual shuk- like Machane Yehuda, or doing some shopping at a small store, you can probably always bargain down the price.

Big grocery stores like Yesh, or Bar Kol, are immune to my nefarious bargaining ways. After all, when they list their chicken on sale for 29.90 NIS, I can't very well go up to them and ask to have it for cheaper if I buy more. However, with my local butcher, I totally can. He even has a sign up right now for cases of chicken for cheaper if you buy by bulk. And, what if I walked in- after discussing with 5 neighbors of course- and then asked to buy 5 cases- would he give it to me for cheaper? Maybe. Who knows?

My whole block seems to believe in this wholesale theory. There are families who sell eggs, for about at least 5 NIS cheaper than the local grocery store. The same goes for flour, oil, sugar, and other household items. Another neighbor does a gigantic meat order, of which I proudly participate every month.

If I head down to my favorite baby supply shop- he'll give me bargains right on the spot. All prices are negotiable, it seems, if they are just taped on the item with a sticker. After all, he could just rewrite the sticker, couldn't he?

I never thought I would do something like that. It's like walking in the US into a store and asking to have the listed item for less. I would never be brave enough to do that- except maybe in a Jewishly owned store. (Does that say that all Jews are willing to bargain, even if they aren't from Israel?)

As the NY Times stated, most shoppers were looking for bargains this past holiday season. So maybe it's not a Jewish thing after all? Although, I have to admit, I love showing off a great deal.
It's like beating the odds, getting my pack of disposable diapers for 48 NIS, instead of 69. I just HAVE to talk about it.

So is it Jewish to bargain? Israeli? Or something in between?