Leiby Kletzky

Chana's post about Leiby Kletzky says it all.

The song she quotes- A rose among the flowers- is the song that rings in my head when thinking about the passing of former classmates of mine- Aviva and Chaya, a"H. The song states the tale of how the king found a precious rose in his garden, and rather than let it stay and wilt, he plucked it before its time to be by him. If anyone has the whole lyrics- I am searching for them. It begins: "Once upon a kingdom, so very long ago..."

Hashem took these pure neshamos from us so quickly, and the only thoughts I have are that they must be such pure roses for G-d to want them in His garden near Him.

May Hashem comfort all mourners for Leiby, a"H, and for all those children who are taken from us early.

Comparative Religion

A NYTimes Article struck my eye- "Basic Religion Test Stumps Many Believers"- in that a survey was sent out with basic questions about different religions, and most answered incorrectly (more than half) as well as people answering wrongly about their ownreligion. However- out of all the people in the US who took the survey, atheists and agnostics, as well as Jews and Mormons- scored the highest in knowledge.

That's pretty good, I think- that we actually, as Jews- know what we are talking about- about our own religion, and about others. And, the atheist statistic doesn't surprise me either- I think that most feel that they have to do research before coming to such a decision about faith. Realize, though, that I said most- I have found so many irreligious Jews who don't do research at all- who don't know about anything really, that has to do with religion, Jewish or other.

But what was saddening to me was that 43% of Jews didn't know that the Rambam- Maimonides- was Jewish. What do you think the explanation for that was?

Ulpan 3: The Questions

Why do Jewish married women cover their hair? (coming from the Muslim girl who doesn't cover her own hair in the class)
Why can't women sing in front of men that don't mind hearing women sing anyway? Can you sing under your breath?
Why don't religious Jews serve in the army?
What does Beitar Yerushalayim stand for (the soccer team) and who is Yosef Trompledor anyway? (I asked this one- and it turns out most of the class didn't know either. So much for educating the masses about Zionism.)
Can religious Jews throw stones on Shabbos if they set aside the stones before hand with that in mind?
Why do different Chassidic sects have different kippot, hats and payot?
Should there be buses that travel on Shabbos in Jerusalem?

And so on. Feel free to answer if you know. I for one had a lot of fun with some of these questions in class. I am proudly religious, so I truly don't mind when people ask me respectfully and honestly- not antagonistically, about the Jewish religion. I'm happy to give an answer, and to engage in discussion. What I'm not so happy about is trying to deal with the stereotypes, or the anti-charedism that comes along with it. It's hard for me to explain that a religious person who steals isn't religious, and that we are not 'you people' and so on.

How would you deal with some of these questions? Inquiring minds want to know. Respectfully of course.

Shidduchim: A Kapara For Klal

At a recent simcha, I came across a lovely woman, with several children, who is moving back to America after her recent sojourn in Israel since she got married. We schmoozed, and eventually played Jewish geography. People from my hometown came up, including a certain woman who is still looking for her shidduch. She is a wonderful person, sweet, smart, charming, kind; in short, all the good qualities one would look for in a shidduch. Yet she hasn't met her match yet. The woman across from me remarked, "Maybe it’s a Kapara (atonement) for Klal Yisroel (the Jewish people)."

I was a bit taken aback by this statement. Then the woman next to me commented that she believes that there are two types of older singles out there. There are those who are being reasonably too picky, as they might be looking for something they can't get, or is exceedingly hard to get. The other, simply, hasn't met the right one yet. And those are, in her words, a Kapara for the entire Jewish nation.

Again, my brain started working overtime. You mean to tell me that there are women and men out there in this world who are waiting to meet their match, through no fault of their own, but as a general atonement for the world?

It came as a sort of shock to me, so I headed home to ask Mr. NMF about it. He remarked that he doesn't know too much about it- as atonement, as a general rule, is Kabbalistic in nature. But, one thing he does know, is that a person doesn't go through suffering only for the nation as a whole, but also for themselves- for some trait/action of their own. In addition, he threw in the Gemara that states that the death of the righteous (not to compare the lack of a shidduch to death of course, just for comparison's sake) does atone. Therefore, one person does have the capability to atone for the Klal.

So what do you think? Are there those out there who are waiting for their match due to a Divine decree, not specifically against them, but for the nation as a whole?

Bargaining, Israeli Style

I know, the whole world isn't a shuk (open air marketplace). But it sure seems like it!

Practically all Israelis bargain, and love doing it. Whether it's shopping for basic food items at an actual shuk- like Machane Yehuda, or doing some shopping at a small store, you can probably always bargain down the price.

Big grocery stores like Yesh, or Bar Kol, are immune to my nefarious bargaining ways. After all, when they list their chicken on sale for 29.90 NIS, I can't very well go up to them and ask to have it for cheaper if I buy more. However, with my local butcher, I totally can. He even has a sign up right now for cases of chicken for cheaper if you buy by bulk. And, what if I walked in- after discussing with 5 neighbors of course- and then asked to buy 5 cases- would he give it to me for cheaper? Maybe. Who knows?

My whole block seems to believe in this wholesale theory. There are families who sell eggs, for about at least 5 NIS cheaper than the local grocery store. The same goes for flour, oil, sugar, and other household items. Another neighbor does a gigantic meat order, of which I proudly participate every month.

If I head down to my favorite baby supply shop- he'll give me bargains right on the spot. All prices are negotiable, it seems, if they are just taped on the item with a sticker. After all, he could just rewrite the sticker, couldn't he?

I never thought I would do something like that. It's like walking in the US into a store and asking to have the listed item for less. I would never be brave enough to do that- except maybe in a Jewishly owned store. (Does that say that all Jews are willing to bargain, even if they aren't from Israel?)

As the NY Times stated, most shoppers were looking for bargains this past holiday season. So maybe it's not a Jewish thing after all? Although, I have to admit, I love showing off a great deal.
It's like beating the odds, getting my pack of disposable diapers for 48 NIS, instead of 69. I just HAVE to talk about it.

So is it Jewish to bargain? Israeli? Or something in between?

Oreo Cookies, Not People

Blueberry. A term I heard only after I got married, referring to those of the Bais Yaakov schools, who wear light blue shirts and dark blue skirts.

Oreo. A term I knew about, but usually in fun, when referring to typical Yeshivish people who wear a white shirt and black pants every day.

Penguin. See oreo, but sometimes referring to chassidish, who wear 'tails' and long coats.

What do these three terms have in common?

Well, they are euphemisms used to describe people who are usually referred to as 'Yeshivish'.
They see long term Torah learning as a goal, they educate their daughters and sons in Bais Yaakovs and Yeshivos respectively, and they try to serve the Ribono Shel Olam in the way they know how.

I know that in every group, there are those who are not doing the right thing. There are those who are the typical stereotype. But if a Yeshivish 'oreo' guy makes fun of a guy wearing a 'colored' shirt- how is that any different then those not wearing the black and white uniform making fun of the oreos and the blueberries?

How is it not Loshon Hara to insult an entire group of Klal Yisroel, based on the way they dress, no less. Aren't we all supposed to look past exteriors and see the Yid inside?

Where would we be if the wonderful rabbeim at Aish HaTorah, or Or Sameach, looked at the way that the people who come searching for truth are dressed? Should we make fun of them too- by inventing names for their mode of dress?

Chanukah was a time where the Maccabim called out- M'LaHashem- who is for Hashem. Not, who dresses in color, and who dresses in monochrome. Not who has 7 children and who has 2. Not who wears a tichel and who wears a shpitzel. Just, who's trying to serve G-d in the best way they know how.

So, stop with the name calling. It's not nice, and it's probably Lashon Hara. Thanks.

This has been my public service announcement for the week.

Chanukah Tunes

I don't know about you, but for me, Chanukah always brings with it those melodies that evoke memories of past and present. You know the like- like the golden oldies your grandparents sang (the old tune of Maoz Tzur, for example) to the hip hop rock the newest CD's transform Al Hanissim into.

There's the classic 'Sivvivon, Sov Sov Sov' or the 'I had a little dreidel...'. There's 'Chanukah (or Hannukah, depending on your generation and ideology) Oh Chanukah', and the english Maoz Tzur- Rock of Ages.

Somehow, my family can never get a proper tune going for Haneiros Hallalu- no matter which one we try, someone ends up forgetting it in the middle, and by the end, we're making up our own tunes.

And, it's a total blast to watch NBD on Mr. NMF's shoulders as he dances to 'Yevanim, Yevanim Nikb'tzu Alay...'. My family is joining us for this holiday, and it's a pleasure to hear my father and my husband join their voices together in these wonderful tunes.

I heard that Maoz Tzur is a German folk tune, also used by the Protestant church.
Well, in any case, it's been rumored that R' Moshe Feinstein had his own tune for it, since he didn't want to use a non-Jewish tune for this special song. It didn't really catch on though. Anyone know it?

Well, I'm back to frying latkes. Here's a link for the continuing verses of "I had a little dreidel." My favorites were:

'I have a little dreidel, I made it out of pasta; it got all tangled in my hair, and now they call me 'rasta''

'I have a little dreidle, I made it out of pot, and when it started spinning, I just sat and stared at it a lot. '

'I have a little dreidel, I made it out of shmaltz; it don't make healthy eatin' but, that dreidel sure can waltz !'

'I made a little dreidel in virtual reality. If you wear the right headgear, it's there for you to see.'

'I had a little dreidel, I made it out of clay; said a Kabbalistic blessing, and it got up and walked away.'

Jewish Heroes

Wow. Through the Jewish Federation, they selected 5 'Jewish Heroes' that are going to get 1,000 dollars towards their work, and that could be selected to win 25,000 dollars.
When I first got this email, there were 400 nominees, and then it got narrowed to 20, then finally, these final 5.
These people make differences in people's lives every day. Honestly, I am so amazed and wowed by some of the work that they do. I know a few people personally who have told me in confidence how they have benefited from Keren Simchas Chassan V'Kallah, and others who have joined a Friendship Circle.
Here's the video on who was chosen:



It makes me reexamine my own life. What am I doing to help the Jewish world at large? What can I contribute?

One of my neighbors takes out time from her family of 7 and leaves them on Erev Shabbos for a couple hours, in order to distribute Shabbos candles at the local marketplace to those who would probably not have lit candles otherwise. She makes a difference, even with her limited time.

Any ideas folks? For a mom of one, with most of my energy going towards my family and home, what can I do to make a difference in the lives of others?

Books Abound

Reading has been part of my life since I was a little child- unfortunately, that often means that I get sidetracked from basically everything when a good book is in my hands. The most often complaint I heard during childhood was asking me to pick up the books lying in various stages of pages around the house.

Here in Israel, I don't have access to public libraries- so I've started a new book regimen- the Jewish books out there. Now, before you start bashing them, stating how there are no good Jewish books out there these days, I will state that is exactly what I said at first. But, having no other alternative, and reading is as necessary to me as breathing, I started to take the plunge.

Truthfully, the Jewish book market is different than it once was. There are talented authors out there, new and interesting material (that doesn't constantly contain one of the three themes: marriage, kiruv, or children.), and there are more and more popping up each day. I've actually found some worthwhile reading, along with some lemons, but I would find that reading secular books as well.

Unfortunately, there are those lemons. And some of them, as Mr. NMF said recently, are just secular (and trashy) novels with Jewish names stuck in. I don't mind reading a good book, but if it is just badly written, a poor plot, and a trashy idea, then I'm not interested. And, there are those books out there. Yet, they are classified as 'Jewish' reading material.

That's sad. If the names were not Jewish ones, the book itself would probably not be read by religious Jews. Now, just because they added in a Jewishly themed plot and some Yankels and Goldas, the book is okay. Frankly, I'd rather read a good old classic novel, like Jane Austen or Alexandre Dumas over some of these so called Jewish books.

At least, with the secular books out there, I knew what I was reading- I knew which ones to pick, which ones to stay clear of, and which I would find the most interesting. Here, I'm a bit lost- because they are all categorized as 'Jewish' and therefore 'appropriate'- when in reality, there is no such correlation.

So, from now on, just as I choose which secular books to read, and which ones to avoid, I also have to do the same with the 'Jewish' books out there. And frankly, I'm saddened I have to do that.

Final Wishes

I just recently was skimming news on Yeshiva World (I have a news addiction. I check the NYTimes, MSN, and Yeshiva World almost every day.) when I saw an interesting article that I'd like to share.

It seems that in this article, a grandfather left explicit instructions in his will that only those grandchildren who marry a Jewish person (either by birth or conversion) will inherit. If they do not, then they will be disinherited.

Well, this will is being contested in court by a grandchild who married out of the faith, and the court is leaning towards reversing the will. So, the Agudas Yisroel got involved- as a 'friend' of the court, stating that this is a major decision for almost all Jews, and they feel they should be heard as well. As last reported, they will have a say in the case.

Why is this so interesting? Well, first of all, intermarriage is an issue that affects all Jewish people. We don't care if someone is black, white, purple, gray or pink- we just want our children and grandchildren to marry someone Jewish. If they don't, their children could be not-Jewish- if born of a non-Jewish mother.

Parents throughout the generations have found ways to prevent their children from intermarrying. I recently read the book How To Prevent an Intermarriage by Rabbi Packouz, and in it he details the story of one man who went on a hunger strike until his daughter agreed not to intermarry. Compared to that, someone who just doesn't give money that he rightfully worked for, and that he has control over who he gives it to, seems rather tame.

People disinherit their children for all sorts of reasons. So, a religious reason seems a valid one to me, and I personally don't believe that a court could actually rule that the man's will is invalid. The Agudas Yisroel is getting involved because sometimes money will do what a passionate speech about the beauty of the Jewish nation can't. A will has been used as a tool to prevent intermarriage before, and as such, they want that to continue.

I think his final wishes should be respected, as he cared for his grandchildren and the future of the Jewish nation.

Who Knew?

Who knew typing one- handed would be so hard! Ah, joy.
Trying to keep up with the backload of posts, emails, and comments though. Thanks for your patience, and thanks for continuing to check this blog.

Growing up, I had very devoted parents. They did (and continue to do) so much for me through out my life. My parents used to drive an hour each way just so I could attend a Jewish day school. Eventually, we moved to a frum community, but those hours of daily commutes still stick in my mind.

What did I do with those hours? Well, I listened to tapes. Anyone remember Loshon Hara 911? And who could forget the Marvelous Middos Machine! I mean, those hippopotami are still out there, still lazy and slow. And the milk never seems to get cleaned up.

I listened to A Ton of Mon, which made me have a craving for ice cream, and The Talking Coins, which suprised me every time, no matter how recently I heard it. The Longest Pesach was a favorite, as was The Purim Story during Purim time, and the Chanukah Story during Chanukah time. Those cute kids telling us that they no longer use their Jewish names, but instead are called by secular ones- it just never gets old.

I have a family friend in Israel who has 13 kids, bli ayin hara. And, when you have 13 kids, there is no possible human that could read all of them a story at once- especially since the 9 boys want an adventure story, and the 4 girls want something fun with a happy ending. So, she came up with a brilliant idea. She buys the Israeli tapes- stories in Hebrew for her Israeli kids- and sets up a tape machine in each room. Then, when it's time for bed- she just pops on the tape- and like magic- all her kids look forward to it.

Who knew that kids would develop such an attachment and fond memories for these childhood pastimes? The things I know from these tapes stuck with me till today.

So- you never quite know what your children will hear, or see- or what you will hear or see- that will affect you years later. We say that these things only have limited effects- that these memories eventually fade with time. But, sometimes, things affect us more than we realize, and pop up years later for further review.

Our entire enviroment affects how we view the world, starting from childhood, and only getting stronger as we grow up.
This is one of the reasons why I chose to live here in Israel- I wanted this enviroment for myself and my family. I wanted the effects of the 'Sviva'- and with that comes both good, and bad, as some are aware.

But every person has to make that choice. What Sviva do you want for yourself? What 'tapes' are you listening to?

R' Noach Weinberg, ZT"L

Just thought I would write a short post- my own words can't do this great man justice.

The day R' Weinberg passed away, my daughter came into the world.

Hashem gives, and Hashem takes.

My own life has been enriched immensely by Aish and Discovery, through its teachers, seminars, and life mentors. I was not one of those who became frum through R' Weinberg's efforts, but I reap the benefits of much of his life's work. Members of my own family have learnt at Aish, and friends of mine participated in Discovery.

EYAHT boasts some of the most special teachers that I know, many of whom have created an impact on me that has lasted throughout my life.

So, no, I did not know R' Weinberg personally. I heard his shiurim, benefited from his teachers and programs, but I did not know him. I know of him, I know of his greatness, his caring, his love for every Jew.

Aish.com has several articles up on R' Weinberg, zt"l. Please feel free to peruse them at your leisure. His presence will be dearly missed. May his mourners be comforted among the mourners of Tzion and Yerushalayim.

Reaction and Action

Firstly, I just wanted to list again this phone number - 02-581-1911- the number in Israel for R' Kook and R' Horowitz's hotline to get or send a name of a soldier in the IDF to daven/learn for. This is how Klal Yisroel fights battles- on the spiritual front as well, with davening, learning, and mitzvos.

On that note- I've noticed on a couple of sites the comment that if the study of Torah protects- then the yeshivos and people in the target areas should not be fleeing their homes and batei midrashos.
That's an interesting concept to me- so I first asked Mr. NMF. He said that we don't really rely on miracles to that extent- if it is a target zone, and they can move- then maybe they should. Then again, I'm not a Gadol, and that's a question that should be posed to a Rav.

I found an interesting article on Yeshiva World that explained why Tifrach's yeshiva is not moving, while other large yeshivos (the example given was Grodna) have moved. It's according to R' Elyashiv's psak.

But that's an example of how Klal Yisroel reacts- yet again. We head to our Gedolim, our leaders- minds and people who are steeped in Torah, and who are able to rule on such complex situations through a Torah perspective. It's a truly special concept when we realize that Torah, and the actions and reactions promulgated by the Torah govern our day to day lives.

Ever watched a Baal Teshuva make brachos (blessings)? It's like a gift being given to them- to connect with G-d and thank Hashem for all the good He has given to us. Ever watched a small child's pleasure at being able to learn a pasuk in Torah? It knows no boundaries.

Our reactions and actions are done according to the Torah view and mindset. It's a phenomenal concept.

And, another article from the Yeshiva World illustrates that. I have no idea how this family was able to rise to such a level- but to see them do it- it makes such an impression on how a Jew can act and behave. I don't know if I would have the inner strength to do such a thing- to say that, amidst a shiva house. But they did. And that's true greatness.

Edit: Found an excellent article on Aish.com- "Fighting the War With Our Mouths", by Sara Yoheved Rigler. This is the Jewish reaction- personified.

Mourning

I can't even express my feelings in words. They are too complicated, confused, saddened, and grief oriented. But seeing this picture pop up on my screen this morning just made it all the worse.

Source: AP Photos and AOL News

My heart breaks for the little one, who will never see his parents again. And for the 8 orphans left behind from a father killed in another country. And for all of Klal Yisroel- who weeps together for the Kedoshim.

They were killed because they were Jews, because they went to a foreign country to work for their parnasa, to perform kiruv, to be mashgiach some of the foods we eat...
Their funerals are today in Israel.

May all those who are mourning them be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Covering Up

I'm married, as you may have guessed- by my references to Mr. NMF, and by what it says on my profile.

When I got married, as I have grown up frum, I knew I would be covering my hair, and like the community which I lived in, that would usually comprise of buying a shaitel.

My mother wears shaitels (wigs), along with falls, berets, or hats outside the house, while snoods, and comfortable Israeli scarves inside the house. So, when I got married- I assumed I would do the same.

Hats were not really my style, or the style of the community in which I or my husband lived- and snoods were not commonly worn outside the house, as they were perceived as too casual.

Most people wore falls, or shaitels outside the house, while they reserved a comfortable pre-tied bandanna, or snoods inside the house. I also love Israeli scarves- they are the easiest for me to slip on inside the house, and the most comfortable to sleep in.

So, I wore a fall, and wore a shaitel for Shabbos- leaving my snoods inside the house, and my scarves just for sleeping. The shaitel was hot, and tiring, especially since I always had long hair growing up, so I wanted a long shaitel as well. I ended up clipping my shaitel into a banana clip or ponytail quite a bit, simply to escape from the heat.

And then I moved to Israel. I continued wearing my shaitel, and shvitzing, and watching it oxidize in the gorgeous sunshine. And then it hit me. I'm not in the US any more. So I started to watch and see.

My neighbors are mothers with kids- they wear snoods outside, almost all the time. I only see shaitels on Shabbos. Some are Sephardi- with the gorgeous scarves wrapped so elegantly. Some come from more chassidishe homes, with long scarves or cloths wrapped around every inch.
When I head to more JAPpy neighborhoods (Jewish American Princess, for those who don't know.) I see the women wearing shaitels, but mostly ponytail ones or really short- to deal with the heat.

And I said- Why in heaven's name am I wearing a shaitel? Why do I persist in wearing a long shaitel when there are thousands of stunning bandannas, scarves, tichels, snoods, and other beautiful items to wear? I belong to a community now where most women wear snoods- and they're right! It's hot outside! There are kids to worry about and places to go, work to do and people to see- wear something beautiful, colorful, and stylish- wear a snood, a scarf, a beret- but why wear a shaitel? Shaitels are beautiful as well- but can be saved for Shabbos!

And to think it took me so long to realize this- that there are so many Yidden here in Israel, and so many different ways that they all cover their hair- so many minhagim, so many different viewpoints- (for more information- read the fascinating book Hide and Seek by Lynne Schreiber, or Oz V'Hadar Levusha's section on hair covering (I know- I said the dreaded book's name- don't stone me.) )

So as of right now- I'm wearing a beautiful pink snood- excellently complementing what I'm wearing. And- I'm proud of it! I even walked into the JAP neighborhood, and had some stares- by all the shaitel wearers, but most just ignored- since there are so many different women all covering their hair different ways, everyone just gets used to it.

Mi K'amcha Yisroel- we women can all look beautiful, stylish, and gorgeous- while still listening to the Torah's precepts and covering our heads.

Yay!!

As emailed to me, and posted on SerandEz, Leah Larson has won the contest from Wells Fargo's Someday Stories!
Congratulations, Leah- and continue your excellent work!

Past and Present Unite

Ancestry is quite interesting. Where your loved ones came from, why they left there, and where they went to is always a fascinating topic of conversation.

Sometimes you know the exact dates involved, down to the last decimal point, while other times it's more fuzzy. My cousin spent a long time researching his side of the family, and created an intricate family tree, allowing me hours of tiSme to reminisce and pour over the interesting facts and names.

On my other side of the family, less is known. Less is remembered, records are more hazardous, and the people involved are slowly forgetting what exactly happened. Still, you never know, and the family stories that are known about my great-grandparents have been passed through the generations.

In Israel- there are people who are 7th generation Yerushalmis. Some of their grandchildren are now heading into the 9th generation. Can you believe that?

It's so amazing- they know when they came into this land, and have stayed here since! My family is Litvish- so they headed from Lithuania and Russia into the US; no one came to Israel.
But these families headed right over here- some Sephardi, some Yemenite, and some Ashkenazic Jews as well.

I've read some phenomenal books about the old Yishuv of Yerushalayim- I'm sure most people who are the least bit curious have read some.

But it's always amazing to walk into a holy site, start up random conversation with a fellow Yid (Jew) and find out that his family has been living here since Turkish times, or even before.

Ancestry is important- but it's wonderful to see it come to life.

Oh, and a very large thank you to Mrs. M- who was my favorite teacher of Israel history, and a
7th generation Yerushalmi herself.

Vote, Please

If you haven't already- as I've done- vote for Leah Larson, running (under her mother's name, Evelyn, because she's only 17!) in Wells Fargo's Someday Stories Contest. She's an amazing girl who started Yaldah magazine for Jewish girls, completely run and written by them. Aish.com has a wonderful article written by her, and we're all hoping she'll win the 100,000 dollar prize to keep publishing.
(Thanks Juggling Frogs, for first alerting me to this a long time ago- sorry I haven't posted on it sooner!)