Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Yom Kippur- Yom HaDin

There's a bag of mixed emotions that I feel on Yom HaDin- or at least for right now, on the days leading up to it.

I mean- teshuva for all I've done wrong during the year, but using the same approach as this- looking at the year at a whole and recognizing.

Trying to not feel so bad on all the things I've done wrong, because that will prevent me from changing. (Favorite tactic of my yetzer hara- look at you, you can't change, look how much you've done.....)

But still feeling bad, still wanting to change, still trying to fix and learn and grow.

It's a process, and it takes time. I heard that it says in Shaarei Teshuva that when a person decides to do Teshuva, they start at that point with a clean slate. Then, and only then, they can attempt to change, which is a long process.

But, it's a rejuvenating thought- clean slate.

Thank You so much Hashem, for the gift of life, for the ability to do Teshuva, to continue to be able to do Mitzvos.

And with that Thank You- which usually hits me after Yom Kippur, I can head into Succos fully V'Samachta B'Chaggecha.

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